My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
