You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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