Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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