it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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