I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
