I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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