you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
