the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
