I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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