i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
