How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
