so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
