I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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