I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
