I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
