Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
COCAINE IS GR8
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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