Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How's work?
Spinning.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
