It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
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You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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