I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
