i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize