counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
