you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
