guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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