I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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