You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
