I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize