What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
