Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
