i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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