Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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