Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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