I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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