So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
