We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
