Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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