She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
