remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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