He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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