Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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