please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
