You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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