PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
