Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
