I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
