break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fuck appropriateness.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
