Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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