Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
