If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
