took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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