I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
