I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
