Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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