so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
