i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
