operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
