True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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