you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
