VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
someone owes me an orgasm
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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