If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize