I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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