I wanna passion pit in your ass
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
