Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months