Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.