so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancĂ© called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel