Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?