remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in