everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
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Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
well, you know. whores of a feather.