She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance