I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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