it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
