he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
vagina is talking i cant
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
