And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
