you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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